Self-esteem

Self-esteem is the building block by which most people judge themselves, and sometimes through projecting onto others, judge others. How one feels about one's own existence truly sets the stage for feeling either empowered and able to manage difficulties, or disempowered and overwhelmed when facing life's challenges. Once this vicious cycle is set in place, it is often difficult and seemingly impossible to stop--depression and anxiety often follow. It does not matter so much where one intervenes, as long as the cycle is reversed. Using the GATE can help a person to bring some structure to the chaos of low self-esteem. The healthy self-esteem cycle consists of empowerment to act (no matter how small of an act), then action, which leads to increased sense of self-esteem, and finally, a little more empowerment. In a sense, you begin with a single brick of foundation, then make another brick, set it in place, and thus, have 2 solid bricks to stand on and build more bricks for your foundation of healthy self-esteem.

Sense of empowerment==>Action==>Increase in self-esteem==>Empowerment

Genuineness

Beginning with simply being genuine about your feelings of self worth, begin to realize that these feelings are real and should be dealt with; however, they are NOT permanent and NOT necessarily accurate, given your other strengths (example, you took the step to read this page--this is already an action towards improving your situation, thus you DO in fact have more power than you may realize at the moment). Genuineness often means that you meditate upon the genuine strengths you also possess rather than only being genuinely aware of the areas for growth. A BALANCE between the two is crucial--genuine awareness of what you do in fact need to work on, and genuine awareness of the strengths and skills you possess to work on them with.

Awareness

Using your genuine assessment of strengths and areas for growth, you can move on to increasing your awareness of opportunities to practice and build your foundation of self-esteem. In any given moment, strive to be aware of what you BRING to the moment. . . if you find that it does not feel helpful, then gently notice the feeling, then actively do something that you believe may help--even if only a little bit, for just a little while. Remember, once you notice a pattern, you can do something to change it. This is one of the most important steps in building self-esteem, as without genuine awareness of self, we cannot possibly begin to take thoughtful action to change. Once you begin to make the changes you choose, maintain awareness of the results--again, no matter how small. If the action helps, then do it again and build on it. If it does not, or if things become worse, then rather than beating yourself up for that, strive to see this as useful information in that you know what NOT to do next time.

Trust

As always, trust your ability to act. This is much easier said than done when dealing with issues of self-esteem, depression, or anxiety. Developing your awareness through silent meditation will help (see exercises on meditation). Remember that you are already closer than when you began your journey. It is not only the results of action that carries weight--it is the INTENTION behind the action that makes ANY results useful. When you are genuinely aware that you trust yourself to act in a way that is helpful, the act itself becomes secondary (obviously, this does not mean to choose unhealthy actions to further your development!). The intention of your action is what will operate at deeper levels of awareness that you may, or may not yet be completely aware of. This is the cyclic nature of the GATE model, and particularly that of development of self-esteem. As you progress, you will find that your genuineness improves, your awareness increases, and your trust is more solid. Trust also applies to trusting others who are trustworthy to help you in your journey. A teacher, counselor, spiritual leader, family member or friend can often offer valuable input to your journey from a place of compassion. Engaging them in a discussion using the GATE model can offer structured information exchange that may prove to be beneficial to each of you.

Empathy

Have a little compassion for yourself! You certainly deserve the same courtesy that you no doubt offer to others! I often find that those who struggle with self-esteem are often some of the most understanding, compassionate people around as they are hyperaware of what it is like to feel badly. When you begin to allow yourself to care for yourself, a new door opens that may have been previously unnoticed. The struggle for self-EMPATHY is that most people with self-esteem issues believe that it is selfish to focus on healing the self. In fact, the best thing you can do for others is to care for yourself. Self-empathy is a concept that allows you to become more fully present in any given moment with another as you are not as distracted by the constant barrage of internal dialogue and questioning of your abilities. Again, when you give to yourself, there is more of you to go around to others.

Which brings us to having empathy for others. When you begin to realize that many people struggle with some form of self questioning, you can model for them through your actions how to remedy their own situations. Remember for a moment the last time you helped another person . . . how did it feel? As you walk along this path, you will find that you are more genuinely aware that helping others helps you equally as much. A win-win situation. You will be more likely to be in a place to offer this help if you honestly address your own issues in a way that enhances your own life first. Self Love is NOT selfish!!