Genuineness

Genuineness first relates to one's inner honesty about instincts and emotions--even when conflicting or involving ambivalence. Once this inner genuineness is addressed, it relates to congruence in action and speech towards others; along with what one has identified as being true within themselves.

This sort of genuineness is easily recognized. For example, one can clearly tell the difference between the musician who has only perfected technique, but not connected with the emotions within the music. . . until, that is, that musician gets into their 'groove.' At that point, the audience feels, or intuits, a change in the meaning of both the music and of the musician. Within that genuine groove, skill only magnifies an already present, fully complete beauty in such a way that the less skilled musician in a genuine groove is no less magnificent.

Take a moment and think about a 'genuine' encounter you have experienced. Now notice how that interaction would have 'felt' if there were no genuineness from other person (or within your 'self'). When we examine enough of these examples, it is found that even unfortunate interactions, when approached with genuineness, are more tolerable and memorable than more fortunate, yet fake, interactions.

Further, as long as we are inwardly & outwardly genuine ourselves, somebody else's lack thereof may still be a more tolerable experience.

In a nutshell, when angry, experience and respond appropriately to your genuine, legitimate anger. Same with sadness, frustration, happiness, etc.

Being 'in the moment' facilitates genuineness both with the self and with others.

Exercises to facilitate Genuineness:

Meditation

Find a quiet place, perhaps a special place that you tend to gravitate towards already. Make yourself comfortable, but in a position that you are not likely to fall asleep in; many people find that either sitting in a kitchen chair with a straight back, or sitting cross-legged on the floor works quite well if you maintain proper posture--sit up straight,shoulders held comfortable, but not slouched. Begin by taking 3 deep breaths, counting to 3 on the inhale, briefly pause at the 'top' of the inhale,, then gently exhale, again counting to 3 (same pace as inhale), pause at the 'bottom' of the exhale, then repeat. You can imagine inhaling genuineness and honesty, and exhaling your masks and projections, or you may decide to simply follow your breath in and out. Once your breath is calmed, begin to envision a genuine encounter that you have experienced, remember how comfortable it was, how free you were to simply experience the situation as it happened, enjoying each moment. Perhaps you recall a situation where you were able to work through a conflict peacefully by being genuine, and respectful, with the other person; or imagine how you would have liked to have handled such a situation. Continue this meditation as long as it is comfortable and peaceful.

Introduce yourself to your experiences

No matter how difficult or how painful to look at, become familiar with the wide variety of experiences available to you by introducing yourself to them as you experience them. Through practicing honesty/genuineness regarding what you are feeling, you begin to allow for changes to occur in the way that you respond to those feelings. Quite often, our most painful emotions are very frustrating as the more we try to ignore them, the more obnoxious they get. Like a child, if you don't pay attention to them, and acknowledge their existence, they will do whatever is necessary to get your attention. This very often takes the form of tension and discomfort. Introducing Panic, for example, to the rest of the crew (Happiness, fear, joy, love, anger, etc.) can help that part of yourself to not be so dramatic in getting your attention.

Journaling

Allow yourself 15-30 minutes each day to simply write your free associations. Do not worry about spelling or grammar. Just write what comes to your mind. You may find that several things come up at once, and that you can only get some of what comes up. That is OK. What winds up being on paper is the thought that was strong enough to break through the others. Move on to the next thoughts without judgment. Like meditation, as you practice journaling, you will find that your thoughts are less cluttered, and thus more clear and genuine.

The mirror

Should you find yourself admiring a quality in someone else, understand that to some degree, that trait is present in you as well. This allows you to be genuine about self-praise. The same exercise applies when you are aggravated with somebody. Whatever trait you find annoying, strive to see how you perpetuate that same trait. . .once you are being genuine about the pattern and how you perpetuate it, you can choose to change it.