Existential Concerns

Why am I here? What happens when I die? If E really equals mc squared (Einstein's theory of relativity: E=mc2), then do I ever really stop existing? If not, what happens to my thoughts? my consciousness? even my soul? Soul? Do I have one of those? How do I make life matter more? How do I prepare for my own death? How do I make sense of life in terms of death?

Even young children may come up with some existential questions that tie our adult minds in knots. I remember that as a child, I was about 6 or 7, I asked what happened to the me that 'sees' things if I die - would my 'seeing, hearing, feeling' just pop up in somebody else, as their own 'seeing, hearing and feeling?

It's this childish nature that seems to sometimes understand that paradox . . . it's the playful child (or the child within the adult) who responds to the koan, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" by smacking his/her forehead with one hand, not really caring if she/he gets 'it' right or not.

These are all questions, just a few of many, many, many others that at some point in our lives, we all wind up asking ourselves. The answers are not always very clear, and most often, they differ among individuals, and even change for each person across their lifetime. Taking the time to consider these questions, and becoming more comfortable with NOT always having a final answer, helps the individual to find a sense of peace and clarity that sets the stage for true happiness and peacefulness. For more in-depth reading, please visit the Useful Links page and visit dallasmindfulness.com, betterbuddha.com, and hrobbinsphd.com. Each of these sites offer unique insights into spirituality, metaphysics, existential concerns, etc. that work well within the GATE framework of self exploration and healing.

Most of us overcomplicate lives by projecting our fears onto others, and/or by internalizing unnecessary fear into our lives (i.e.. borrowing trouble). Most of the time, we can make things much easier by taking a step back, and just seeing things for what they are, without judging them as 'right or wrong,' 'good or bad,' etc. In order to accomplish this 'witness stance' (also called meta-cognition or meta-awareness - the concept of being nonjudgementally aware of our experiences) you should consider meditation. Meditation is a tool that directly activates this meta-awareness by stimulating the medial prefrontal cortex of the brain (read more at the Psychology Today article in the October 2006 edition). The brain's neuroplasticity allows it to literally rewire itself throughout life.

Genuineness

Begin by simply understanding that you have questions. Period. You'll live if you get the answers, you'll live if you don't; either way, you have questions. By being genuine about not knowing the answer, you have opened the door to being able to explore the answer(s), even if the 'answer' is a paradox involving no answer at all.

OK, let's begin with there will be several of these 'language knots' in this sort of discussion - so if you find yourself both agreeing and disagreeing with the same exact idea, relax and refer back to the links above (especially, dallasmindfulness and betterbuddha) for some clarification.

Genuineness in this world of paradox can be difficult to identify if you put yourself in too many intellectual boxes. Remember, it IS possible to have genuine feelings in opposite directions about the same thing (we call this ambivalence).

Your questions, even the ones that may seem 'out there' are perfectly normal (though, taking anything to extremes before one is ready can be unusual and even unhealthy). Be careful about announcing all of these questions and ideas to everybody you meet though, you will likely get some very funny looks if you go around asking people the meaning of life and death!

Existential Genuineness means simply letting your questions flow, and even being glad that you have the intellect to ask them (this could also pertain to Empathy - see below). HOWEVER, it does NOT mean getting so carried away with your curiosity that you enter into more unhealthy anxiety than curiosity. Being Genuinely Aware here involves being conscious of your limits and boundaries as well as of your good fortune to be smart enough to ask the questions in the first place.

Awareness

We've already begun to address awareness. And really, this is probably the most direct component of the GATE that deals with existential concerns in the conscious mind. Your simple (and I stress 'simple') awareness of the questions and confusion is a significant step in the right direction. Use your genuine awareness to pay attention to your entire experience of your concerns. . .do you have any physical manifestations? Perhaps an uneasy stomach when wondering what death will be like? Maybe you get a headache when you contemplate why you are on this planet in the first place (that's what I got when I started asking these questions).

If you start to pay attention, you may notice some patterns about which physical pains go with certain types of anxiety. Just this kind of 'mindfulness' begins to lead you in new directions where you can make new choices that lead to new situations for you to be aware of.

Using genuine awareness to change your experience of life and death is a process of change . . . you very well may have flashes of understanding, and those flashes will become more and more clear, longer lasting, and more common. As long as you strive to maintain a genuine awareness of your questions, instincts, limits, etc. you will likely find that your progress looks like the stock market -- there will be ups, downs, peaks and valleys, but overall, a definite progression for the better.

I would like to offer a note of reassurance and encouragement here, as many people feel intimidated by genuine awareness: As you begin to look deeply into yourself via meditation and mindfulness, you will find that 'the tigers get more fierce as you go deeper into the temple [of your unconscious].' This simply means that to the degree that you are not accustomed to facing your reality without disguising it (i.e.. without the egoic mind), you will find that life may seem to feel more intense and possibly more fearful. THIS IS GOOD! Once you face fear without judgment, you are able to use it to help guide you towards truth. Remember, all of the fears that you begin to notice have been there all along, just hidden in the unconscious mind where they can wreak havoc on your conscious experience. In order to use fear to your advantage in finding peacefulness, you must first find it, embrace it as an ally, then let go of the judgment of the experience. Like all other emotions, fear is only there to guide you, not paralyze you.

Trust

Whereas Awareness is the most conscious component of the GATE dealing with Existential questions, Trust is likely the most unconscious as it develops from the inside-out (from unconscious to conscious). Persistence and self-care are ways to cultivate your trust in yourself, as well as your trust in the universe. Since you are struggling with some pretty abstract issues, the trust may feel shaky at times. . . trusting something that you cannot wrap your hands around can be difficult . . .this is generally the nature of existential anxiety. It's just slippery.

Trust that you have the capacity to ask for help in this journey. Trust that others may actually have some good ideas. . . trust yourself to know which paths will work for you. Trust that 'slippery' ideas, paradoxical questions/answers, and even ambivalence can help guide you in directions that while sometimes confusing, will open many, many doors for your life.

Empathy

When dealing with existential ideas and anxiety, having a strong sense of compassion for yourself is very important. You may find that as you become more genuinely aware of you experiences, that you go through a difficult adjustment period. This is sometimes called a 'dark nite of the soul,' which is just a fancy way of saying that it is a bit disorienting to take an honest look at yourself. This passage may involve increased awareness of uncomfortable things that you used to distract yourself from, and are now going to face head-on to achieve resolution (and thus, no need to distract yourself from reality).

Having compassion for yourself in this period means remembering that "This too shall pass," and giving yourself permission to feel discomfort when facing uncomfortable truth (about life and death, success or failure, meaning of life vs. a lack thereof)s. It can also mean remembering that you are passing through temporary suffering to accomplish long-term balance and comfort.

Behaviorally, this Empathy means that you live a healthy and balanced lifestyle that involves proper diet and exercise (with your doctor's guidance), getting enough sleep, meditation, and just plain fun-time or time getting a massage, etc. The more you love yourself (remember, compassion/empathy is considered to be the highest form of Love), the more you will notice the benefits of your work, and the more energy you will have to face the ups and the downs.