Empathy

Compassion

"Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins."

Try to understand, you need not KNOW how another person feels. We all experience our emotions in unique ways. Striving to to RELATE to how people feel is often the most appropriate option. Learning to connect, within yourself, an experience similar to the person you are with is an exercise in empathy.

It should also be understood that just because you believe you have connected, it does not mean that you have connected with the emotion of the other person . . . when you communicate your perception with them, they will let you know if you 'got it.' Sometimes, a sigh, a head nod, or intense eye contact reveal that you are on the correct path.

Use compassion to help learn empathy. Very often, it is enough to know that someone is simply hurting, without necessarily experiencing that hurt in a similar fashion. Just knowing that pain is there can help you to show compassion and support for the person you are with. Remember that compassion (empathy) is often considered to be the highest form of Love.

Exercises to facilitate Empathy:

Meditation

Find a quiet place, perhaps a special place that you tend to gravitate towards already. Make yourself comfortable, but in a position that you are not likely to fall asleep in; many people find that either sitting in a kitchen chair with a straight back, or sitting cross-legged on the floor works quite well if you maintain proper posture - sit up straight,shoulders held comfortable, but not slouched. Begin by taking 3 deep breaths, counting to 3 on the inhale (through the nose), briefly pause at the 'top' of the inhale, then gently exhale (through the mouth), again counting to 3 (same pace as inhale), briefly pause at the 'bottom' of the exhale,then repeat. You can imagine inhaling empathy and compassion, and exhaling self-importance and intolerance, or you may decide to simply follow your breath in and out.

Once your breath is calmed, begin to focus your intention on empathy and compassion by imagining yourself acting in an empathic/compassionate manner (continue your paced breathing). Pay close attention to how you imagine your body language as being embracing and accepting, see how your tone and inflection of voice help the other person to feel at ease, notice how you communicate - giving the other person the room to safely express their experience and to clear their mind. Next, shift your awareness to your experience of having someone you care about show empathy and compassion to you during a time of need. Remember, this positive experience is what you are offering to others when you show empathy and compassion.

Should you become emotional during this experience, allow it to flow through you by refocusing on your breath; no need to fight the emotions - rather, use the ideas of the GATE to help you remain mindful rather than intimidated. . . you will likely find that a good cry, or journaling, etc. after your meditation may help to release some of the stored up stress. If the emotions are too intense, then take a few deep breaths and take a break from the meditation, but do NOT use this as an excuse to avoid dealing with your experiences and feelings - you already know where that road goes.

Social

Practice, practice, practice. Take opportunities to let people know that you "hear" what they are saying and that you are making an effort to truly connect with them by using active listening skills. Say back to them what you are hearing (both the spoken message, and what you see as 'between the lines,' if appropriate). Occasionally, if you feel that you have an idea of what they must be going through, share that thought with them - not saying that you KNOW how they feel, but that you are hearing their feelings, and connecting with them via your own experiences. This acts like a bridge of common ground between people.

Please remember, doing anything in extremes can be more harmful than helpful. For example, if after every sentence you tell a story about your own experience, it can appear that you are simply trying to talk about your feelings vs. trying to connect with theirs. . .or, if you are reflecting every single word back to another person, then you risk coming across as selfish and annoying.

Social II

Notice, notice, notice. Simply be mindful of when you see others showing empathy/compassion. Don't eavesdrop, but when appropriate, notice how others show empathy - some of what you will see will also work for you . . . some will not. Be mindful of when someone is showing empathy to you. Allow that experience to help motivate you to show empathy to others.