Child Abuse

Child Abuse and Survivors of Child Abuse

"Child abuse" can be defined as causing or permitting any harmful or offensive contact on a child's body; and, any communication or transaction of any kind that humiliates, shames, or frightens the child. Some child development experts go a bit further, and define child abuse as any act or omission, which fails to nurture or in the upbringing of the children.

The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act defines child abuse and neglect as: At a minimum, any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker, which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation, or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm.

Child abuse has several types: Physical, Emotional, Sexual and Neglectful.

Emotional Abuse: (also known as: verbal abuse, mental abuse, and psychological maltreatment) Includes acts or the failures to act by parents or caretakers that have caused or could cause, serious behavioral, cognitive, emotional, or mental disorders. This can include parents/caretakers using extreme and/or bizarre forms of punishment, such as confinement in a closet or dark room or being tied to a chair for long periods of time or threatening or terrorizing a child. Less severe acts, but no less damaging are belittling or rejecting treatment, using derogatory terms to describe the child, habitual scapegoating or blaming.

Neglect: The failure to provide for the child's basic needs. Neglect can be physical, educational, or emotional. Physical neglect can include not providing adequate food or clothing, appropriate medical care, supervision, or proper weather protection (heat or coats). It may include abandonment. Educational neglect includes failure to provide appropriate schooling or special educational needs, allowing excessive truancies. Psychological neglect includes the lack of any emotional support and love, never attending to the child, spousal abuse, drug and alcohol abuse including allowing the child to participate in drug and alcohol use.

Physical Abuse: The inflicting of physical injury upon a child. This may include, burning, hitting, punching, shaking, kicking, beating, or otherwise harming a child. This may be the result of over-discipline or physical punishment that is inappropriate to the child's age.

Sexual Abuse: The inappropriate sexual behavior with a child. It includes fondling a child's genitals, making the child fondle the adult's genitals, intercourse, incest, rape, sodomy, exhibitionism and sexual exploitation. To be considered child abuse these acts have to be committed by a person responsible for the care of a child (for example a baby-sitter, a parent, or a daycare provider) or related to the child. If a stranger commits these acts, it would be considered sexual assault and handled solely be the police and criminal courts (please check you local legal system for more specifics on this).

Commercial or other exploitation of a child refers to use of the child in work or other activities for the benefit of others.  This includes, but is not limited to, child labor and child prostitution.  These activities are to the detriment of the child';s physical or mental health, education, or spiritual, moral or social-emotional development.  

Next, I would like to make some very important points:

·Abuse is NEVER the child's fault

·If you are a child or teen who has been abused, or is being abused currently, please talk to a trusted adult (teacher, principal, school counselor, parent (if they are not the abuser), mentor, pastor/preacher/etc.). If adults do not seem to believe you, KEEP telling adults until somebody believes you and takes action)

· ALL forms of abuse always involve emotional abuse since, by definition, each form of abuse involves lasting emotional trauma

· Even one incident of abuse as a child can have lasting impact, both conscious 
and unconscious

· Having been abused as a child does not mean you are doomed to a life of being a victim.  You can seek help to work through the experience and live a healthy life.  Becoming a survivor (some do not want to be called survivors rather, some people just want to be seen as a person) does involve conscious choices to rewire the brain (and therefore your thought processes and behaviors)

· Abusing a child teaches the child to abuse themselves and others, and dramatically increases the chances of the child becoming an abuser

· Being tired or overwhelmed is never an excuse, or a reasonable explanation, for abusing a child in any form

· If you have already begun abusing a child, it is not too late to get help for your child(ren), yourself, and your family

·If you are considering reporting abuse, but are hesitant because you do not want to complicate the family's life even more, try to remember that the child's well-being overrides the adult's comfort.  Also, remember that the abuser clearly has some sort of problem, and needs to get help very often, the abuser may not recognize their need for help without dramatic intervention (like an abuse report), and they may not seek help unless mandated by a court.  If they do not get help, then they are likely to continue harming their children, and possibly others.  Taking the courageous step of reporting will help the child, and the adult (if the adult takes responsibility if they do not, then the courts will try to protect children from the abuser)

· You can report abuse anonymously to 1-800-252-5400

· All mental health professionals are mandated to report both suspected and known abuse.  It is not the mental health professional to determine if abuse has actually happened, rather it is their job to report it and allow CPS (child protective services) to investigate and make a determination of abuse or not

Regarding children currently in abusive situations, and children who have been abused:

First, as mentioned above, if the abuse (current or past) has not been reported, then it will need to be reported as soon as possible in order to protect the child and any other children.

Abused children of all ages are in a very delicate position.  Most often, a child is abused by a parent or another critical adult in their life.  This creates a situation where the child has to contend with natural feelings of love and loyalty for the adult, contrasted with the experiences of fear, shame, and confusion created by the same adult that the instinctively feel love for (in spite of the abuse).

Possible (but not all inclusive) signs and symptoms of abuse:

Sexual Abuse

·Having STD's, pain in genetalia, itching in genetalia
·Inattentiveness that is out of character for the child
·Intense depression, self-mutilation, suicidal thougths/attempts, running away, eating disorders, drug use
·Isolation from peers/family beyond normal childhood moods
·Noticble change in persontality such as becoming more dependant or clingy to adults
·Having age inappropriate sexual knowledge or behaving in a sexually explicit or seductive manner
·Bedwetting, thumb sucking or playing with toys that are from younger years
·Change in appetite
·Fear of adults, including familiar/trusted adults (or older teens).
·Day or night/nightmares
·Fear or extreme anxiety about removing clothes (such as in PE or at a doctor's office)
·Suddenly drawing sexually explicit pictures
·Attempts to be over-the-top in pleasing people

Physical Abuse

·Self-destructive behviors
·Excuses that do not 'add up' for injuries, or refual to discuss injuries
·Wearing clothes to cover injuries, even in hot weather
·Refusal to undress for gym (also see sexual abuse)
·Repeated attempts to run away
·Unexplained recurrent injuries or burns
·Hair loss, usually in patches
·Extreme anxiety when going to doctor
·Aggression
·Fear of physical contact. Flinching or drawing back at normal contact
·Talking about excessive punishment, or even overtly admitting abuse
·Fear of getting hurt or in trouble if abuser is reported or questioned

Emotional Abuse

·Sudden speech difficulty
·Physical and mental/emotional devolopental delays
·Extremes of passivity or aggression
·Pattern of negative self-image (I'm a dummy, I don't deserve friends)
·Excessive anxiety about making normal mistakes
·Strong fear response to being put in new situations
·Comments of deserving punishment or beatings
·'Odd' behaviors such as rocking, hair twisting, self-mutilation

Neglect

·Chronic hunger
·Perpetual lethargy
·Destructive behavior
·Chronic medical issues that seem to go unaddressed
·Hygiene problems (dirty, poorly groomed, dirty clothes, chronic foul body odor)
·Severe weight loss; extremely skinny (ie you can see bones)
·Inappropriate social skills or few/no friends
·Stealing and/or begging for food/money


Note: Any form of abuse ALWAYS involves emotional abuse, and sometimes other forms of abuse concurrently. Sometimes, children are able to hide their abuse so well that adults may not notice, or are not certain about their intuitions of abuse. If unsure, call a child abuse hotline (in Tx 800-252-5400, National 800-4-A-CHILD)

Regarding adults who have experienced abuse as children/teens:

An alarming number of adults have experienced childhood abuse.  Many of these people either do not realize that they were abused, or are fearful of facing the healing process and do not seek help.  While some adults are able to heal from abusive childhoods, most  (particularly those that experienced intense abuse on a regular basis) will need support and guidance to help them heal and move forward with their lives.

If you are an adult who has experienced abuse, please consider talking to somebody you trust (i.e. trusted friend, mentor, counselor, clergy, etc.) and taking action to move towards ending any continuing suffering you may be experiencing.  Also remember that if you are a parent, you may have been taught some unhealthy parenting behaviors that you may repeat with your own kids.  If you are unsure, please contact somebody to talk about healthy parenting.

If you feel like hurting a child, please contact a local hotline immediately. DO NOT do any discipline while you are feeling enraged; again, call for help during this time, you will not regret it, but you will regret hurting a child.  Once you have gotten through the enraged time, please contact a counselor to help you look into getting help.  You are not a bad person and it is never too late to get the help to protect your children.

This page will be updated regularly.  Please contact me at gatehealing@hotmail.com or call me at 512-771-7621 with any questions or comments.

Jon