The GateHealing Blog ~ Jonathan F. Anderson, MA, LPC

Some say that choice is an illusion . . . a false sense of control provided by the egoic mind in an attempt to maintain its perceived separateness from everything else—to keep it’s individuality—it’s sense of ‘self-ness.’ They call it an illusion because whatever happens, IS what happens. We just ‘do’ what we do based on genetics, conditioning, and environment/culture (according to Eckhart Tolle, for example).

But since we do have a brain, there is nothing wrong with using it to get ourselves closer to the truth. And even if choice is an illusion, there is no reason not to engage that illusion as a tool that guides us deeper into the true nature of things. A map is not the actual street, it just gives you the ‘illusion,’ or a representation, of the true streets . . . but the fact that the map is not the street itself does not render it useless—unless you try to only drive on the map.

The ego just prints the map, better yet, it projects it onto the blank screen of our awareness—appears to give you the choices; if you are conscious/awake, then you experience your ‘self’ as an experience (ING-ING) of a continually unfolding moment vs as a product of externally based choices.

So you can choose to see choices as an illusion, or you can be less concerned with how to ‘label’ a choice (as an ‘illusion’ etc), and just get on with using the opportunity to make things balanced. Your choice . . . wait, huh?

Giving ourselves permission to want things/circumstances seems to fly in the face of ‘non-attachment;’ attachment being the source of suffering in many spiritual/philosophical perspectives.

So how do we ‘want’ something without being attached to it (attached via the ‘wanting’)? By recognizing that the ‘wanting’ is happening when it is happening, rather than trying to deny the wanting-ness, or by trying to rationalize it as a ‘need,’ etc. By simply noticing the attachment, without judging it as ‘bad,’ the attachment part of wanting begins to fall away.

From what I can tell/understand at this point, judgment is directly tied to attachment; if we succeed in attaining what we are ‘attached’ to (ie what we are ‘wanting’ from an ego place), then we feel some sort of fulfillment—but because the fulfillment is based externally, it is never quite enough (because the ego is never satisfied—it always wants more) . . . the bar keeps getting set higher and higher; always a new ‘thing’ to accomplish.

So, once the judgment of ‘not achieving, accomplishing, or getting/attaining’ passes, we are not so tied up in attachment any longer . . . a want is free to just be a want . . . not an attachment via judgment, not a want masquerading as a need. You see, we are not ‘attached’ to breathing . . . we NEED breath, from a deep inner place, to survive in this body. But we do not NEED a high-end car, or a huge house, or the latest style of clothes in order to feel nice inside. As a matter of fact, if you feel nice (content/balanced) from the inside first, then you are MORE likely to put yourself in a position to accomplish what would otherwise be attachment-based wants (ie ego-based wants). Re-read those last few lines.

The problem can be that we get trained by society, media, family, etc. to pursue ‘things’ as markers of success. This teaches an externally based sense of success—by definition, if something is external, then for our ego to feel connected to it, we (ie our ego) have to be ‘attached’ to it. If we already have it (the sense of balance, contentment) inside of our own ‘self’ then there is no need to be tethered to it (ie no need to be attached to it) because it is already inside! This is not encouraging a ‘minimalist’ lifestyle at all; nor is it advocating a lavish lifestyle . . . it is simply encouraging non-attachment to your wants and possessions. I personally know quite a few very, VERY well-off people that are very high in terms of awareness/mindfulness . . . and I am certain that each of them would say something similar to what we are discussing here . . . having a drive/passion/enthusiasm for what you are looking for, but without defining your very sense of ‘self’ based on whatever ‘it’ is that you are working for. In his book Autobiography of a Yogi, Yogananda himself teaches that some of the highest yogis he ever met were very successful business people, because they approached their success in a non-attached, yet structured and enthusiastic perspective.

This is another slant on the Law of Attraction (LOA): if you own it on the inside via your thoughts and beliefs, then you will be more likely to behave in ways that increase the chances of getting what would otherwise be an attachment-based want. Want a new car or a million dollars? Then be in that space internally first and you will be more likely to see, and thus better able to take advantage of the opportunities that you may otherwise miss if you are not in a positive mind-set. The LOA is just a repackaging of what philosophy, psychology, and spirituality have been saying for many years (it’s been called The Power of Positive Thought/Self-Talk, The Power of Intention, Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, Cognitive Congruence, among many other names—all of them pointing at different aspects of this complex phenomenon that is currently marketed as the Law of Attraction).

For most folks, really living life will involve some sort of ‘practice.’ I’m not just talking about the repeat-the-behavior-over-and-over type where you get more proficient at something; I’m more talking about a deep commitment to something that though its ‘practice’ you actually bring more balance into your life.

The focus of this is not as important as the follow through . . . of course, it’s easier to follow through on something you get some sort of enjoyment out of, so I suggest taking something you already enjoy to the next level: Music, art, speaking, writing, baseball, whatever . . . just be mindful, and purposefully engage your entire awareness in the activity when you are doing it. In other words, be fully present and really enjoy it, really love the feeling of progress; even get to where you can enjoy somebody else’s success in the practice. . . for example, there was a time when I was very engaged in practicing/playing foosball. I eventually got to where when an opponent fired off a great shot and scored, that I had as much fun as when I was the one making the great shot. I should clarify that the practice of foosball in no way comes close to what the practice of meditation, Qi Gong and Tai Chi has done for me and many, many other people. There’s much still to be done, but these sorts of practice do seem to carry a deeper impact that feels more efficient and meaningful.

Begin by simply understanding that you have questions. Period. You’ll live if you get the answers, you’ll live if you don’t; either way, you have questions. By being genuine about not knowing the answer, you have opened the door to being able to explore the answer(s), even if the ‘answer’ is a paradox involving no answer at all.

OK, let’s begin with there will be several of these ‘language knots’ in this sort of discussion – so if you find yourself both agreeing and disagreeing with the same exact idea, relax and refer back to some of the other posts on this blog—’ing-ing’ is a good place to start

Genuineness in this world of paradox can be difficult to identify if you put yourself in too many intellectual boxes. Remember, it IS possible to have genuine feelings in opposite directions about the same thing (we call this ambivalence).

Your questions, even the ones that may seem ‘out there’ are perfectly normal (though, taking anything to extremes before one is ready can be unusual and even unhealthy). Be careful about announcing all of these questions and ideas to everybody you meet though, you will likely get some very funny looks if you go around asking people the meaning of life and death!

Existential Genuineness means simply letting your questions flow, and even being glad that you have the intellect to ask them (this could also pertain to Empathy – see below). HOWEVER, it does NOT mean getting so carried away with your curiosity that you enter into more unhealthy anxiety than curiosity. Being Genuinely Aware here involves being conscious of your limits and boundaries as well as of your good fortune to be smart enough to ask the questions in the first place.

The rest of the GATE’s approach to existential anxiety follows:

We’ve already begun to address awareness. And really, this is probably the most direct component of the GATE that deals with existential concerns in the conscious mind. Your simple (and I stress ‘simple’) awareness of the questions and confusion is a significant step in the right direction. Use your genuine awareness to pay attention to your entire experience of your questioning. . .do you have any physical manifestations? How do you feel when thinking in certain ways; what about when you don’t think, and instead just sit with whatever sounds occur?

You may notice some patterns about which physical pains go with certain types of anxiety. And likewise, mindfulness of the source of anxiety may help to relieve it by acknowledging it, then behaving differently. Just this kind of ‘mindfulness’ begins to lead you in new directions where you can make new choices that lead to new situations that feel more balanced and healthy.

Using genuine awareness to change your experience of life and death is a process of change . . . you very well may have flashes of understanding, and those flashes will become more and more clear, longer lasting, and more common. As long as you strive to maintain a genuine awareness of your questions, instincts, limits, etc. you will likely find that your progress looks like the stock market—there will be ups, downs, peaks and valleys, but overall, a definite progression for the better.

I would like to offer a note of reassurance and encouragement here, as many people feel intimidated by genuine awareness: As you begin to look deeply into yourself via meditation and mindfulness, you may find that to the degree that you are not accustomed to facing your reality without disguising it (i.e.. without the egoic mind), you will find that life may seem to feel more intense and possibly more fearful (some will not experience it like this at all—please feel free to share your experience by posting a reply). This seeming amplification of the discomfort is a normal experience, though it may not feel so good, yet. Be honest about what you are experiencing, but letting go of judging the experience a ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Once you face fear without judgment, you are able to use it to help guide you towards truth. Remember, all of the fears that you begin to notice have been there all along, just hidden in the unconscious mind where they can wreak havoc on your conscious experience. In order to use fear to your advantage in finding peacefulness, you must first find it, embrace it as an ally, then let go of the judgment of the experience. Like all other emotions, fear is only there to guide you, not paralyze you.

Whereas Awareness is the most conscious component of the GATE dealing with Existential questions, Trust is likely the most unconscious as it develops from the inside-out (from unconscious to conscious). Persistence and self-care are ways to cultivate your trust in yourself, as well as your trust in the universe. Since you are struggling with some pretty abstract issues, the trust may feel shaky at times. . . trusting something that you cannot wrap your hands around can be difficult . . .this is generally the nature of existential anxiety. It’s just slippery.

Trust that you have the capacity to ask for help in this journey. Trust that others may actually have some good ideas. . . trust yourself to know which paths will work for you. Trust that ‘slippery’ ideas, paradoxical questions/answers, and even ambivalence can help guide you in directions that while sometimes confusing, will open many, many doors for your life.

When dealing with existential ideas and anxiety, having a strong sense of compassion for yourself is very important. You may find that as you become more genuinely aware of you experiences, that you go through a difficult adjustment period. This is sometimes called a ‘dark nite of the soul,’ which is just a fancy way of saying that it is a bit disorienting to take an honest look at yourself. This passage may involve increased awareness of uncomfortable things that you used to distract yourself from, and are now going to face head-on to achieve resolution (and thus, no need to distract yourself from reality).

Having compassion for yourself in this period means remembering that “This too shall pass,” and giving yourself permission to feel discomfort when facing uncomfortable truth (about life and death, success or failure, meaning of life vs. a lack thereof)s. It can also mean remembering that you are passing through temporary suffering to accomplish long-term balance and comfort.

Behaviorally, this Empathy means that you live a healthy and balanced lifestyle that involves proper diet and exercise (with your doctor’s guidance), getting enough sleep, meditation, and just plain fun-time or time getting a massage, etc. The more you love yourself (remember, compassion/empathy is considered to be the highest form of Love), the more you will notice the benefits of your work, and the more energy you will have to face the ups and the downs.

It’s when you wait until ‘later’ to get something done that you know would be more useful to finish up in the now. We are more likely to do this when we are not clear about what it is we are really trying to accomplish—that is, when we aren’t sure what need is trying to get met by accomplishing the goal.

Be genuinely clear (honest) about what you are really needing to accomplish, and you will be more likely to engage in behaviors that help move your towards “need fulfillment” (vs just getting the ‘task’ done).

For example, if you know that you need to wash your car, is it about cleaning the car so that the paint doesn’t crack, or is it about maintaining a sense of order and cleanliness in your life, or a little of both? If you think you are just trying to save the paint, when in reality having a clean car helps you to feel more ‘clean’ overall, then you may put it off because of the missed intention of living a clean life.

We also put things off that threaten our ego’s way of doing things. If we are unconsciously more comfortable with chaos, we are more likely to leave things undone, and thereby create more chaos, which pleases the ego (ie it matches the unconscious expectation). This is why bringing consciousness to the unconscious helps us to re-wire it.

If you have unhealthy thoughts, behaviors, lifestyle, can you at least learn something from them? One thing that may be helpful is to really know what those unhealthy patterns are trying to accomplish . . . sometimes this will be fairly obvious, other times a bit metaphorical—(depends on your ‘wiring’—either way is fine). Usually, there is something that is perfectly legitimate as a need that you are trying to meet with an unhealthy method (read other posts for more on why this may happen-I’ll get links here soon).

If you can truly know what it is that you are trying to accomplish, then you can begin to identify other ways of meeting that need that are more healthy. For example, if smoking cigarettes isn’t just about the buzz, but also gives you a sense of ‘freedom,’ somehow a bit of control, then you can look for other things that give you a sense of freedom and/or mastery over fears. That list is far too long. The idea is that you replace smoking/other pattern with something else that gives you freedom, or at least a sense of it. Healthy, by the way, is a good direction to start with. What does healthy mean to you?

2 large avacados (soft when you squeeze it, but not too mushy)
Some garlic salt with parsley in it (there are brands that have it in there already)
Lime juice
White onion

That’s it for me—I don’t add tomatoes, sauces, pico, lettuce or anything other than what’s listed—and people love it. Make the mix of ingredients to taste.

Enjoy! It’s healthy and tasty!

Let’s say that you have correctly recognized that you do, in fact, need to make some sort of lifestyle change, thought/behavior change, etc. in order to be more healthy and balanced. Let’s also say that you are willing to ask for and receive some help for this. Furthermore, let’s assume that you seek some sort of help from a professional mentor, counselor, coach, or teacher, and that this costs money that you don’t feel like you can afford.

You are now confronted with decisions related to your priorities. Do you keep eating out, spending upwards of $500/month, or more, even though you could spend $250 on groceries and just make your own meals, therefore freeing up enough money for two $125/session sessions per month (and if this is the case, then there are very likely other expenses that you are rationalizing or justifying that would free up even more money for self care). If so, then you probably have not truly owned your life yet. This can be frustrating, as mentioned in another post, when you can see yourself engaging in the denial, experiencing the suffering, then continuing anyway with backwards priorities.

Now, what if you really are not justifying anything, and you literally cannot afford the help. There are places that provide sliding scale help; places that provide free help; places that will help you to see where you can make financial changes to free up money for self-care. Now you are once again confronted with truly owning your life; you see, it is extremely uncommon that help is literally not available in some form or another.

Folks that struggle with depression, or other energy depleting conditions, may actually not feel the motivation to change; they may have the experience of giving up hope, sometimes to the point of feeling suicidal, sometimes to the point of self-sabotaging in order to feel some sort of illusory control. When somebody has repeatedly seemed to make genuine efforts at behavioral/cognitive change, yet reverts back, other methods of intervention may come into possibility; perhaps a new counselor, perhaps even trying medication, or when possible, mediTation, exercise, changes in diet, etc. Again, if these cost money and/or effort, there may be a defensiveness to trying them. Eckhart Tolle would say that the egoic pain-body is getting in the way. I tend to agree.

Sometimes though, people will actually engage the new options, but without being truly committed to the change(s), often as a way to show their plight . . . “I’ve tried counseling, it didn’t work, I tried meds, they didn’t work, I tried meditation, exercise, healthy diet, changing friends, etc. and none of it worked—now look at all the time, energy and money I spent, only to find myself back at square one.” The easy way to explain this is to call it a cop-out, or to say that the person just wasn’t ready to change. While this may be true, try to remember that as difficult as it is to watch, the person going through it never gets away from it until they truly own their life (though they may get the illusion of getting away from it by self medicating with drugs/alcohol, or other addictive behaviors (see post above)).

When you are living life out-of-balance, your body begins to tell you with discomfort of one flavor or another (sickness, soreness, panic attacks, anxiety, etc). Remember, if you ignore an imbalance, you are more likely to experience further discomfort; and that discomfort is more likely to become even more pronounced, more obnoxious, more overwhelming—even physical, if you deny it or ignore it, or notice it but act/think in old ways anyway.

Sometimes people will make their goal one of minimizing just the discomfort without changing the behaviors and thoughts behind it. Usually through some sort of addictive behavior (drugs/alcohol, sex, gambling, thrill-seeking, eating, not eating, creating drama, complaining about it, repeating relationship patterns for this example, etc), this ‘relief’ is not long lasting.

When you address the thoughts (and their resulting behaviors), you address the source of the discomfort more directly. Whether a person first addresses thoughts or behaviors, or sees them as interrelated, will depend on the individual and their unique wiring and experience of life. If you are unsure where is best for you to start, talk to a counselor, teacher, mentor, etc.

So we keep dancing around letting go of things that you may not feel like you are able to fully let go of; keep getting caught up in words. A very difficult example for some is knowing that they need to distance themselves from people that they have been close to, especially over a long period of time. This can be seen in a more extreme form in people struggling to get out of an abusive relationship . . . who keep going back for some reason. Or when a relationship (friendship, romantic, sometimes even familial) becomes very toxic or involves addictive behaviors, yet you continue to engage in unhealthy thoughts/behaviors when you are around them. While it certainly can be done that you improve your thoughts and behaviors and maintain contact with these folks, very often there needs to be less frequent interaction for a period of time; and/or that the contact be maintained in a way that does not involve the unhealthy circumstances to arise in the first place. It can be very easy to slip back into old ways with these folks that you are close to, and with whom your ego feels very comfortable with . . . Other times the distance needs to be more decisive and permanent; try to be very clear about your motivations if you decide to completely end a friendship or other relationship; remember, the change that needs to really happen is inside of you . . . if you decide to end a relationship out of vengeance, or trying to ‘show them/teach them a lesson,’ then you will be missing the point of showing yourSELF something important.

What to do once you see that you need to distance yourself from a relationship (with a person, job, your own sob story, etc, but for this example, we’ll say with some sort of friend, family or romantic relationship): Be honest with your noticing of your situation. Then decide what changes to make. Then follow through. You may need the guidance and support of healthy friends, family, mentors, counselors, etc. to do this. That’s fine (see the Desert Parable post).

Here’s a part that can be tricky: if you decide to maintain the relationship in some sort of moderation like we talked about above, then you need to deeply understand that nobody says you have to completely alienate a relationship for every sort of unhealthy compulsion you may be tempted towards when with them. Some will need to completely separate; it is up to the individual to decide the distance to put between themselves and the relationship they are dealing with. If you have the discipline, the follow through, etc., then you can simply enjoy the relationship in a way that is limited to more healthy activities (like grabbing dinner, or seeing a movie, etc).

Some will use the idea of only limited interaction to lollygag around unhealthy situations by saying, “Well, we only hang out x/times per year, so it’s ok because I’m improving; I mean, it’s only pot, or it’s only $500 of gambling, etc.” when they know full-well that this isn’t true; that they are just making an excuse to re-engage unhealthy behavior. Remember that for some people and situations, each time you engage the known unhealthy thought process, and resulting behavior, you increase the chances of falling back to old ways. Sometimes, once you really own your life, you can interact with these folks with a decreased chance of falling backwards. Just be mindful. And Just Be Nice (thanks Danny Young, RIP)

Another good word to be mindful of: Practice. If you aren’t where you ‘want’ to be, then practice doing the things that get you closer—the more you practice, the smoother it becomes.

Try practicing writing with your non-dominant hand (if you’re ambidextrous, learn to write with your toes—really, no kidding) for 2 weeks, around 10 minutes/day, or more—the more you practice the quicker you progress, unless you overdo it and burnout (balance helps prevent this)—you WILL see some sort of improvement—even if it still looks as sloppy, you’ll likely find that it was ‘easier’ to write the sloppy words than in the beginning. It’ll probably get visibly better for many.

So, you practice new behaviors to replace the old ones. And when you find yourself back in the old ones, you notice them (ie wake up), you again make a decision: improve or decrease your chances of getting closer to what you really want by behaving this way, or that way.

These are some basic mechanisms that the brain works on:

Approach and Avoid: avoidance of pain as a way to approach comfort/balance. We have internal brain structures that are responsible for approach mechanisms (a thought pattern can be a ‘mechanism’ for our purposes) as well as for avoidance mechanisms. Learn yourself in a way that helps you to use each mechanism in a way that helps find balance.

Inhibition and Activation: There are other brain structures that interact with the approach/avoid mechanisms. These mechanisms either inhibit certain urges/behaviors, or activate them (sometimes you’ll see activation described in terms of ‘exciting’ or ‘stimulating’ neural structures).

There are many more than just the above structures/mechanisms . . . and as you can probably imagine, the vast number of combinations and permutations of these structures and mechanisms interacting is endless . . . for those familiar with statistics, it’s almost an absurd #-way ANOVA.

It’s the word ‘really’ that I keep using that involves true honesty. It’s a bit circular to explain, but I think most of us get what I’m saying. You can only pull the proverbial wool over your own eyes for so long. How long it takes you to reach an epiphany, satori, light-bulb moment, ah-ha moment, etc. changes from person to person; and for some, that will take the form of reaching a threshold for discomfort that motivates change. Others may recognize the benefits of healthy living, and the benefits themselves motivate continued healthy decisions.

For many, moving the focus of living away from fear of pain/discomfort, to enjoying happiness/comfort can take some time. . . remember, there is nothing ‘wrong’ with fear or pain—they only serve to remind you to get back on track (living from approach to comfort).

Either way, if you are ‘being real’ with yourself, and following through on healthy behaviors, AND thoughts—let’s not forget to change those, by the way . . . change those repeatedly and honestly, and you’ll find things improving; sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly.

E=mc2 (Einstein’s Theory of Relativity—E equals m*c-squared). . . That’s how I choose to understand the Law of Attraction. It’s about relativity applied to thoughts and behaviors: For each action (behavior, thought) there is an equal and opposite reaction (consequence, reward—we can get into the chemical part of neurology if you’d like). Knowing this deeply and owning it in a way that leads to positive behavior change, you get more positive life experiences.

That’s it. No magical genie in the sky, no radio waves blasting traffic jams away for you by being positive, no magical wealth. Just positive results for positive behaviors, as a general trend . . . but sometimes things don’t go that way. Regardless of what we label as the ‘cause’ of things not going well (counter-intentions, negative self-talk, addictive neural-peptides, karma, fate, bad luck, etc), if you continue to respond in a positive (healthy) manner to unfortunate situations, then you are more likely to return to things going well sooner.

And of course, since that E=mc2 thing is always at work, moment-to-moment, then your focus remaining on being healthy in the ‘now,’ regardless of the flavor of the ‘now’ experience (positive or negative) becomes more of a clear benefit.

The benefit lasts as long as you keep going, and just like the negative lifestyle, ‘it’ (positive, healthy lifestyle) gains momentum as you go along. . . making it easier to pick back up if you slip back from time to time (for example, by sabotaging happiness and sometimes being baffled as to why—the bafflement is just the momentum experienced).

I don’t see the LOA (Law of Attraction) as being magical at all. I can see how to describe it that way as a metaphor or parable . . . and I can certainly see the miracle of how our brains manage such amazing, complex patterns of actions and reactions, and that we somehow become ‘aware’ of ourselves, but I don’t see it as ‘magical’ at all. Regarding using LOA to not get in traffic jams, I think that you can experience it as something other than a ‘jam’ if you choose to, and that path will open a lot of other doors (like thinking to listen to the traffic report and take an alternate route) as that attitude is applied to life on a larger scale, but it doesn’t have to be something that is mysterious or magical.

If you want to really understand the scientific version of the LOA, then watch What the Bleep Do We Know. It’s a great DVD about the brain and how our thoughts and behaviors change our brains at the neurological, chemical and electrical levels, and how those changes are actually experienced and reinforced (or inhibited). I had to watch it 4 times to really grasp pieces of it.

SELF love is a cornerstone of change. You are allowed to make things about yourself, particularly when looking to become more healthy. If you overlook yourself, and focus on others, including how they perceive you, then you may miss some important nuggets of reality that could help you. This is not the same thing as being selfish, or in your ego-mind.

I use M.E.E. to remind myself of a ‘me’ focus:
M = Meditate daily
E = Exercise 3+times/week
E = Eat Healthy

Use it for at least a month and see what changes happen in your life.

If you really deeply want to change, then you also have to KNOW that you NEED to change in a very direct and genuine way. And accept responsibility for when you behave in ways that are not in line with the changes you allegedly know that you need to make. Thing is, you don’t HAVE to change. Nobody’s going to stop you from doing what you do in most cases – but there will always be some sort of consequence for your action—that’s the behavioral version of Einstein’s Theory of Relativity: E=mc2. Do the things that are in line with what you want to achieve, and you improve the likelihood, the probability, that you will get what you are wanting. But that equation is not just for one fixed point in time . . . it stays accurate from moment to moment. . .for every moment there is. So, by the same token, when you do things that are not in line with what you are wanting or striving for, then you are less likely, you lower the probability that you will get what you are looking for . . . said another way, you increase the probability of getting more of the stuff that you allegedly don’t want.

So why do people continue to do the things that lower their chances of success? I guess it depends on whom you ask, and whom you’re talking about. But generally, it gives us something to continue to ‘work’ on, or gives us something to be distracted by, or something to complain about, or add to add to the story of our life . . . in other words, it creates more drama. . . and we seem to like drama. But when you look at excitement about something, there’s really nothing wrong with that, it’s just generally healthier and truly entertaining in the real sense of the word to create excitement in a more positive manner. . . I’m going to call it ‘adventure’ when you are being healthy about it—drama when you’re not; that is, one of them is for when you’re asleep at the wheel (in terms of your consciousness), and the other for when you are ‘awake.’